BSG A Kara Conversation
by Mariel3
Summary: Roslin is curious. Adama and Kara are cautious. Some things are just too personal to talk about. AR sort of.
1. A Kara Conversation

This isn't my first fan fiction, but it is my first BSG attempt. (The first I've posted, anyways.) It's a bit different, so I'm feeling a bit shy about it. Don't be afraid to give me your thoughts.

Kara Conversation

By: Mariel

President Roslin looked at the Commander steadily, her green eyes clear. "You two are very close.'

He looked up, stared across the room, then turned his head to regard her steadily. He knew there was more to her observation than met the eye; knew there was a question behind it, but about what, he was unsure. Ever careful, he asked, "What do you mean?"

She heard the caution in his gravelly voice. "She's important to you. Your relationship with her - it's not what people would expect and you keep it well hidden... yet, there it is." she said, moving her hands in graceful illustration.

He frowned, unwilling to follow her line of thought. He knew exactly what had elicited this line of comment. The president and he had finished the official part of her visit to his quarters an hour earlier- the reports had been exchanged, the decisions that needed to be made had been taken care of. As it was early evening, they had done as they often did after their day's visit - they'd moved to sit on his sofa to enjoy a quick drink of ambrosia and a moment's casual conversation.

Then Kara Thrace had arrived unannounced.

She'd let slip a look of both surprise and disappointment at finding someone with him. That would have been acceptable, but as she glanced between the president and himself, that look had sharpened into an appraisal of them that Adama was wise enough to be wary of. Trying to distract her, he'd allowed a more flippantly casual conversation to take place between them than he usually allowed in front of others.

He was pretty sure he'd been successful in diverting Kara's attention away from the president and himself. Now, however, there was another issue to be dealt with.

Sighing, he looked at the president. She'd picked up on the relaxed rapport he shared with Lieutenant Thrace and was obviously curious. One problem averted; another one created. Out of the pan and into the fire, he remembered his grandmother saying.

It appeared to be the underlying theme of his life.

Inhaling deeply, he said, "Madame President, she was my son's fiance."

xxx

Laura Roslin noted the use of her title and the warning timbre in his voice, but she was undeterred. "I know. Tigh told me, remember? But she's more to you than that - and you're definitely more to her than simply her dead fiance's father." She tilted her head to one side and the unbidden question of whether or not he had slept with the young woman entered her thoughts. Uncomfortable with how that idea made her feel, she made a conscious effort to keep her voice detached. "You haven't slept with her, have you?" she asked bluntly.

He made no outward movement, but she felt him withdraw. She waited a beat, then, when he didn't respond, prompted, "Well?"

Refusing to look at her, he replied in a tone that some might have felt threatened by.

"That's an outrageous question to ask."

It was, and he had every right to feel indignant, but she wasn't about to back down now. "Then it shouldn't be difficult to answer," she retorted.

He straightened his spine, drew his shoulders erect. "It doesn't deserve an answer."

"I've offended you because I'm observant?"

"No, because of what you're observing."

She was definitely making him uncomfortable. An overwhelming need to know made her watch him carefully as she said, "I'm surprised. And curious. As I said, you two are unusually close." She smiled to ease her words, and invited him to talk by saying, "There must be an interesting story in there somewhere."

2

She obviously wasn't going to let this one go. William Adama looked down at the drink he held in his hands and wondered how much truth needed to be aired in order to satisfy her. And how damning whatever he said would be.

Arranging the first few sentences of what he would say in his mind first, he inhaled deeply, then finally spoke.

"You say you know about Zak. His death was difficult for both Kara and me. We went through a very bad time," he explained, his voice deep and reflective. "She was a mess, and in retrospect, I guess I was, too. Lee, of course, had decided I was a devil of some sort, acted as though I had killed Zak myself, and shut me out of his life completely. My ex-wife refused to speak to me, and-" he stopped abruptly, then shrugged. "Things weren't good. It was all too sudden. Kara became my only link to what I had lost. And I was her only link to Zak. We both shared a hurt we couldn't share with anyone but each other. She really loved him, you know." The sides of his mouth quirked upwards. "She never does anything by half-measure."

He was right there, Roslin thought. Which was why she was curious as to the nature of the young woman's relationship with Adama. She looked at him and wondered how much truth he would reveal to her.

"So you helped each other through a difficult time."

He nodded. "Exactly. We'd never met until the day before the funeral, so we had a lot to talk about. She wasn't afraid of me, didn't hate me, and for some reason trusted me right from the beginning. That felt good. After the funeral, she said she needed to get away. Though I didn't expect her to take me up on it, I offered her a position on the Galactica. I needed someone close," he admitted, "someone who could talk to me about Jake; someone to remind me he'd lived and laughed-" He stopped abruptly, then after a pause continued, "And I needed someone who wasn't afraid to cry when it hurt too much." He lifted sad eyes to meet hers. "It sounds strange, but her tears kept me from shedding too many of my own. She kept me from wallowing in my own swamp of self-pity."

"So she came to the Galactica because you asked her to."

He nodded again, remembering. Pausing a moment to take a sip of his drink, he then leaned against the back of the sofa and looked at the president steadily. He was surprised at how easy it was to speak to her about this, but he was not about to be lulled into confidences he did not want to make.

"I knew she was a fine pilot, but signing onto the Galactica wasn't an advancement career-wise for her. There were certainly other choices: she's the best pilot the fleet's seen in a long time. But she wanted to be here, and I was glad of it. Her XO probably knew she'd make his life hell if he turned the transfer request down. I'm sure he was surprised it was here she wanted to go., but what the hell. She had the reputation of being a difficult person to manage," he said, a small curve of his lips showing his pride in her. "He was probably glad to see her go. Fortunately, she usually listens to me, so we've never had a problem. We understand each other, I guess."

Laura leaned back against the cushions, too, turning slightly so that she could regard him easily. "So you're saying she could have written her own ticket, but she chose to come here with you on the Galactica. That's quite something for a young, ambitious woman."

Adama knew what she was implying. Taking a long drink of his ambrosia, he winced as it burned a trail down his throat.

"It's hard to explain."

"Obviously."

"We helped each other."

"So you did sleep together?"

He realised then that it was a question he would never answer either way.

For a lot of reasons.

"Not everything boils down to going to bed or not," he admonished. "Kara Thrace is the daughter I never had. Moreover, she's the daughter I chose. I understand her and she understands me and we trust each other. We've sorted through the misery of Zack's death, learned what we hold important, and have no regrets other than that we didn't meet earlier." He smiled. "She must have been a very interesting child. I'd like to have known her then. All in all, I figure I'm a very fortunate man to know her now." He looked at her and tilted his head to one side. "Of course, it'd help if my two children got along better, but I have a feeling at some point they'll grow up and learn to do that, too. Lee is coming around, I think."

Roslin's mind worked quickly. " Is Lee uncomfortable with your relationship with her?"

The tactician in him saw the opening for diversion and he took it. "Lee feels uncomfortable with just about anything that relates to me," he answered. "He sees it as his responsibility."

She smiled, knowing that the improvement in his relationship with his son allowed for this kind of gentle sarcasm. "He's scared of you sometimes," she observed.

Adama grunted. Diversion successful. "When he isn't disappointed in me, angry with me, or simply refusing to deal with me."

She saw the resigned humour in his eye, and smiled at him. "You're surviving all right."

He nodded. "Like I said, I'm lucky. A few things could happen to make me happier, but I'm a patient man. I can wait to see if things evolve the way I hope."

The look in his eye when he said that made her pause because she wasn't sure how to read it. A discreet knock on the door Kara had closed when she left made the president look up. Time to go. Rising, she looked down at Adama and felt sorry for having to leave him.

"Thanks for the company," she said softly.

He rose to stand beside her. He could admit to feeling surprised that he had told her as much as he had. He was more surprised still when he realised he wouldn't have shared this much with anyone else.

"Any time," he promised her.

They smiled at one another, he in relief that he had avoided another area of trouble, she because she had become fond of this man in a way she couldn't define and had enjoyed learning something more about him. It gave her a feeling of intimacy with him that pleased her.

She hadn't yet realised he hadn't answered her question.

As it turned out, it was one of the few he never did. But down the road, when all was said and done, she wouldn't have said that it mattered.

End

Kara Conversation


	2. An Adama Conversation

Okay. Here's part two of the Conversations trilogy. I'm not totally pleased with the way this one turned out. I'm not used to writing Kara, and I'm not sure she comes off right. Part three, which I'll have finished when I get back next week, will be the truth that neither Adama nor Kara feel a need to discuss.

As always, your letting me know your thoughts is appreciated. Thank you.

Disclaimer: Also as always, I wish they were mine, but if they were, I don't suppose I'd be using them like this...So if you're enjoying this series, be happy they're _not_ mine - it allows me to be as irresponsible and imaginative as I want to be. Within reason, of course!

**An Adama Conversation**  
By: Mariel

**Part 2 **

Laura Roslin looked at Kara Thrace, her clear, green eyes steady and observant. "You two are very close," she noted quietly.

Walking down one of _Galactica's_ corridors beside the President of the Twelve Colonies, Kara glanced sideways at her warily. Something about the inflection of the older woman's voice made it a very personal observation, and it gave her pause.

She thought she knew what had initiated her interest.

Only moments ago, on their way to the docking bay where Kara was to requisition a raptor and take Roslin back to _Colonial One_, they had met the Commander making his way to CIC. He'd caught sight of them first and after nodding a relaxed greeting to the President had casually gifted Kara with their usual hello.

"_Starbuck, waddya hear?"_

_Kara's face relaxed into a broad smile. He was obviously in a good mood today. It was good to see. _

"_Nothing but the rain, sir."_

_They stopped to speak for a while, enjoying a rare moment of back and forth banter. After saying goodbye, Kara cast a fond glance back at the Commander's retreating form. Turning, she found the President watching her, a curious expression on her face._

That look had held something that struck her as unusual, and only a few moments later, the President had made her comment. Wanting time to formulate an answer, Kara asked, "I beg your pardon?"

Roslin repeated herself. "You and the Commander - you're very close."

Kara tilted her head and asked cautiously, "What do you mean?"

Roslin sighed inwardly. That had been Bill's exact response when she'd commented on his and Kara's relationship in an earlier conversation with him. The Commander and Thrace might appear very different in age, sex, and personality, but they sure as hell reacted to personal comments in similar ways. She looked at the young woman closely. There could be no brash question like the impulsive 'Have you slept with her?" she had asked Bill, but she still might obtain the information she sought if she played her cards right.

"You two have a very unique relationship that's quite unexpected," she said, explaining herself patiently. "You keep it private, but it's there, nonetheless. It's obvious you're important to each other."

Kara frowned. The woman was an astute observer, so she could hardly deny the woman's observation. That she should feel a need to comment at all, however, was disturbing.

"Madame President, he was my fiance's father."

It was a statement intended to discourage further questioning.

Laura Roslin merely groaned inwardly again. Were they destined to repeat her conversation with Bill in its entirety?

"I'm aware of that," she said patiently. Mentally sorting the cards she had to play, she decided to up the ante. "He means more than just that to you, however, and it's obvious you're more to him than simply the ex-fiancé of his deceased son."

Entering the landing bay, Kara thanked the gods she would be kept busy and unable to reply while she readied the President's transport to _Colonial One_ for takeoff. Something about the President's interest set off warning bells in her head, and silence seemed the best defense. Expertly, she conducted her pre-flight check and made sure the President was safely seated in the co-pilot's chair. After receiving clearance, she guided the ship out of the dock and into space.

-xxx-

"It's nice to see," Laura prodded, when the ship had cleared the _Galactica_ and it appeared that Kara was not going to respond to her earlier comments.

The comment lay like a card on a table between them.

Kara stifled a wave of irritation. The President was obviously not going to let this one go. Pausing, she pretended to try to recall their earlier conversation.

"He's a good man," she finally said.

It wasn't the response Roslin was looking for.

Trying to force the young woman to play a higher card, she asked, "How long have you known him?"

Kara looked at her curiously, wondering what the hell was behind all this.

"Since Zak's funeral," she said briefly.

"And you've gotten close in the time since then."

"Death can make people close very quickly."

The response was well played, but Roslin could have pointed out that death had done quite the opposite with the Commander and his son. She refrained, however, and instead said cryptically, "So it would appear."

Kara looked at her, then turned her attention back to piloting the shuttle.

The President was not easily ignored, however. "How did you meet?" she asked in a mildly interested tone. "There must be an interesting story there, somewhere."

Kara grimaced. She wasn't enjoying whatever game it was the President seemed intent upon playing. Still, there couldn't be much harm in giving her the information she'd just asked for. Though she didn't make a habit of it, she had told others.

"He came to see me the day before the funeral," she said. "We'd never met, but I recognised him, of course. I mean, he was pretty famous for his flying; I'd read about him in flight school, and Zak had pictures all over the place. Even without them, though, I think I'd have known who he was." Warming to her story, she shot the President a relaxed grin. "He said my name and I remember turning around and seeing him." Shaking her head, she continued, "Commander Adama has a presence about him that draws your attention. He's not so tall that he looms, he just...radiates authority, somehow. Zak had some of that - not as restrained or powerful, but he had it. And there was a family resemblance, of course; they are very alike physically." She moved her hands in the air. "They've got a very contained way of holding themselves, and that nice, solid, comfortable body type."

Laura's breath caught at the young woman's careless description and wondered how intimate her knowledge of their physical similarities was.

"Really?" was all she said as she picked up the information given her and considered her next move.

Kara nodded. She'd noticed the President's sudden stillness, recognised it as a card shark's waiting stance, but was still uncertain of what suit the woman was searching for. When the President remained silent, she shrugged inwardly and jumped ahead in her story. "After talking to the Commander, I applied for a transfer to the _Galactica_ shortly after Zak's funeral.."

The President smiled and played one of her higher cards. "Commander Adama must have been very convincing."

Kara's eyes widened and then she frowned in confusion. "Convincing? No. No one had to convince me of anything. I asked to be here. Basically, anyways. I told the Commander I wanted a change, and he offered me a place here." She grinned. "I knew he wasn't serious when he offered, but I figured what the hell."

"Wasn't it a step down from the position you had before?"

"That's what the Commander was worried about, but hey - there are times in your life when there are more important things than promotions. I-" she stopped speaking abruptly, uneasy about revealing too much.

"You what, lieutenant?"

Silence fell between the two women, then, propelled by Roslin's patient waiting and the need to explain what it had been like for both of them, Kara continued, "I needed to be here. Zak's death was hard on me. It was difficult for the Commander, too, though he'd probably swallow fire before admitting it. It hurt..." she shook her head. "And it didn't seem to get any better. And the Commander - it just seemed right that we should be somewhere we could see each other occasionally. I mean, we shared the same loss."

"So you comforted one another."

Kara stilled suddenly at the other woman's tone, and Laura felt her withdraw in much the same manner Adama had when she'd pressed too hard. Cursing her misplayed card, she crossed her fingers. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "That came out wrong. What I meant is that when people share a loss, it's natural that they draw closer. It's good that you had each other."

Kara nodded, but did not relax. She was now pretty sure what the President was fishing for. She grunted. "Neither of us had anyone else. The Commander's ex-wife and Lee were both looking for someone to blame for Zak's death, and decided - through some sick, twisted logic that I've never understood - that it was the Commander's fault. It was frightening how they turned on him. Barely spoke to him at the funeral, and then only because he went to them. Hell," she said angrily, "they stood on the opposite side of the coffin during the service. It was like they thought they owned the grieving rights to Zak's death, or something." She looked at the President. "The Commander was the only one of them I hadn't met, but he was the one who took the time to consider there were others hurting over Zak's death, too. That _I _might be hurting. He sought me out and made sure that I was okay. He talked to me, helped me get through the service...I'll never forget that kindness."

Roslin listened quietly. The man behind the Commander's facade was emerging, and she was finding him fascinating, to say the least.

His relationship with this young woman was proving even more so.

Her thoughts still in the past, and obviously feeling a need to defend the older Adama, Kara continued to speak. "The Commander loved his sons. I don't know what kind of father he was when Zak and Lee were young, and I don't know about his relationship with Lee except that it was never easy, but I know that Zak and the Commander were in contact regularly. Zak told him everything - the Old Man already knew about Zak and me, just not that we were engaged." She smiled, and her eyes focussed on memories past. "Zak wanted to wait until his father returned to Caprica on shore leave before announcing that. He wanted it to be a surprise."

Leaving her memories, she paused to make contact with _Colonial One. _After giving them their estimated time of arrival, she turned to the President. Still unaware of how easily she had been drawn into talking to the older woman - and of how much she had said - she told her, "I wasn't going to tell him about the engagement - it seemed pointless, somehow. But he knew. I don't know how, but he knew." She looked at Roslin and said with conviction. "A father who didn't know his son wouldn't have known that. Or have cared. _He _did."

"And now he's come to know and care about you."

The comment jolted Kara back to the realisation she had been doing all the talking. It made her pause and reminded her that Laura Roslin, for all her gentle appearance, was a more dangerous woman than most gave her credit for. And that she had an agenda. Kara wondered where the Commander and she fit on it, and why.

Now sure that she knew what information the President was after, she decided Roslin would never get it from her. Whatever she wanted to know, she could find out from the Old Man himself - in the unlikely event he chose to tell her anything.

With only about five minutes until their arrival at _Colonial One_, the younger woman decided to turn the tables and try diversionary tactics. "How are you finding things now that life has settled a bit?" she asked casually. "The Commander and you seem to have worked things out between you. It's good to see. You must be pleased."

Diverted, Laura smiled. It had been rough going, at first, but things were slowly smoothing out. "I think we both are."

"He's a good man," Kara said, repeating her earlier comment. "And an excellent commanding officer - but he's an even better human being. He doesn't always let that show."

The President remembered her first, ceremony-filled visit to the _Galactica _as President of the Twelve Colonies, and nodded. "He's an unusual man, certainly. Not necessarily what one would expect to find in the military, and yet exactly what you'd expect to find, as well." She turned to Kara. "And he inspires incredible loyalty in his people."

"I'd follow him to hell and back," Kara said easily.

Her comment was a tactical error. It brought the focus back onto herself and her relationship with the Commander, and the President quickly and easily steered their conversation back to its original course.

"That sounds more personal than professional," she observed. Her voice sounded softly amused, but her eyes were sharp. Referring back to Kara's arrival to the _Galactica, _she continued, "I think I understand your reasons for signing onto the _Galactica_, but I find it remarkable that you elected to stay. You could, as they say, have written your own ticket to anywhere. You chose to remain here. Even after you knew that the _Galactica_ was being decommissioned. That's surprising. Some might call it loyalty above and beyond. It was certainly quite something for someone as young and ambitious as you."

Preparing to draw up to _Colonial One_, Kara avoided responding by busying herself with the controls of the craft. There was definitely a personal interest behind the President's conversation and she wondered about its nature. There had been times she thought she sensed something between Roslin and the Old Man, but she knew Adama was too wily to let any emotion he wanted kept private to show. The President was much like that too, and if the rumour of her long-standing affair with President Adar had any truth to it, she'd had more practice at it than most. Still, when the two leaders were in the room together - especially in private, as when she'd accidentally intruded on them a few evenings ago - she got the definite sense that there was _something_ building. And if there were something there, it would explain Roslin's interest in knowing things that were really none of her business

She looked at the President and thought that if she did anything to hurt him, she'd personally rip the woman's heart out.

Resolving to end their ambiguous conversation, Kara decided to lay all her cards on the table.

"Madame President, if I might ask - your conversation tonight - what, exactly, so you want to know, and why don't you ask outright?"

Laura's eyes widened in surprise. She hesitated, trying to decide which of her few remaining cards to play. Regretfully, she realised she was being forced to fold. This was a game she needed to walk away from with no regrets. There was no way she could ask her question outright.

Sighing softly, she smiled faintly and looked down at her hands. Summoning forth the correct posture and demeanour, she looked back at the young woman who confronted her. "I'm sorry. I've probably been more forthright than I should be," she said in a pleasant, apologetic tone. "I don't often get to have casual conversations with people. Sometimes I feel as though everyone knows everyone else far better than I do. It's nice to get insights into people's lives and the relationships that are important to them. I didn't mean to pry."

Kara nodded warily. Prying was exactly what the President had meant to do. The President's explanation was crap, and she didn't trust the sudden change in voice and posture. There was, however, little point in pushing.

She couldn't allow the conversation to end without saying one last thing, though.

"The Commander knows me better than anyone living. There's no one I trust more. No one I care about more. It's not my place to say so, Madame President, but you could do far worse than to trust him, too."

Roslin nodded. She trusted him already. And he, she believed, was beginning to trust her. But trust, as President Adar used to say, was something that could be used against people if the circumstances were right and you knew how. She didn't know now, but in the future, she might need to do just that.

Standing, Roslin looked down at the young lieutenant. "Thank you for the ride. And the conversation."

She left, still not knowing what she wanted to know.

Not that it would make much difference in the long run...

End  
An Adama Conversation  
NEXT UP: The truth that Roslin is seeking.


	3. And Now, the Truth

Every relationship has pivotal moments. Kara and William Adama's has had a number of them. Here's my version of one that explains some of what their relationship has come to be. Please feel free to comment on my madness...

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own the characters, but I do own to enjoying taking them out to play. There's no intent to give offense.

**And Now, the Truth...**  
By: Mariel

* * *

Her mouth was soft and inviting, and he responded to it instinctively. Shocked, tentative touches of their lips had evolved into brief, exploratory kisses that somehow became longer, deeper ones as they were swept up in a mutual rush of surprise and pleasure. 

Standing in the warm lighting of his quarters, he wrapped his arms around her. She put her arms around his neck, and pressed herself against him, the fingers of one hand caressing the back of his neck.

She tasted good, and he felt life flow through him in a way he'd long forgotten. After a moment, however, he reluctantly drew away. Trying to clear his head, he lifted his chin to press his lips to her forehead. How they had gotten into this position was unclear... One minute it had been a casual, quick hug goodbye. The next-

It didn't feel as uncomfortable as he might have thought.

That worried him.

A lot.

"Kara..."

She moved against him, and her mouth met with his neck just above his collar. For another moment he weakened. Tilting her chin up, he met her lips, allowing himself to fall under the spell that seemed to have entranced them both. It felt good to let go so unexpectedly, to be carried away by the rush of his body's response to another's-

"Kara," he finally said again. Tearing his mouth away from hers he whispered hoarsely, "This isn't right. We can't. It won't help."

She lifted her hand and pressed her fingers lightly against his lips. It would, she thought, help a lot. Because she wanted it to. And though he said it wasn't right, with all the assuredness of her past experience she was certain it was. The closeness she and William Adama had developed since her arrival on the _Galactica_ had been unexpected and special. And now the warmth between her legs, the growing excitement she felt in him...it all made 'this' very right. More adept at following the current of her emotions than he, she fixed her eyes on his lips, then slowly placed her mouth against them again. "Shhhhh..." she murmured. "This feels too good..."

Excitement washed over her and warm anticipation coursed through her veins. She felt alive, and connected and safe...

He didn't pull away. Mesmerized by the intensity of the feelings that ran through him, he tightened his arms around her again...

Her fingers nimbly undid his uniform buttons and he felt her hands slide over the muscles of his back. His lips travelling across the smooth planes of her face, he murmured, "This is crazy."

She angled her head back and looked at him. Raising a hand to his face, she leaned forward to kiss the side of his mouth and then sensually drew her lips across his in a wordless denial. There was nothing crazy about this at all. In fact, it made perfectly good sense. He was hurting; she was hurting; this would help them heal. Pressing herself against him, she smiled as his mouth found the softness of her neck. They cared about each other; they were lonely; and now they were experiencing a decidedly physical response to one another that made her blood quicken.

Making love to express all that seemed the next logical step.

Torn between sense and sensation, Adama trailed soft kiises from her neck to her lips. Her body felt firm and strong and alive beneath his hands. He quested for more contact, his hands sliding beneath her shirts and warming the soft flesh he found there. She felt precious, like life itself, and he held her tenderly while his expert caresses drew a response from her that elated him...

He wasn't sure how long they stood there, hands exploring, mouths connecting, but when he realised he'd taken steps backwards in the direction of his rack, he shuddered to a stop. Inhaling deeply, he stilled. Releasing his arms from around her, he placed gentle hands on her shoulders.

Ignoring the demands of his body, he rasped, "No. We can't do this. We have to stop." His voice held both regret and resolve.

Ignoring his words, Kara moved her hands beneath his undershirts. Splaying her fingers slightly, she slid them across the warm skin of his chest in slow, sensual movements. She could feel his warmth seep into her, feel his heart beating a steady tattoo... She stepped closer. She could feel his response to her, knew that they were both ready...

"Why?" she murmured. "We both want to."

He groaned inwardly. Trust Kara to state the obvious.

Knowing she was terribly right, he made a movement to reclaim her mouth, then stopped abruptly. Forcing himself to think instead of feel, his hand went to cup the side of her neck. The contact kept her away and held her to him all at the same time. He couldn't have said which was his true desire.

Both, perhaps.

"Because we want to, doesn't mean we should." He drew a deep breath. "Sometimes what we want is very, very wrong, Kara."

She held his gaze steadily. To her, it seemed the most natural thing in the world to draw nearer to him, to make physical the emotional closeness they had come to share. She needed him for reasons she couldn't explain; knew that he needed her for reasons probably just as inexplicable. It made no sense that he should want to deny them the comfort and pleasure she knew this new intimacy would give them.

She looked at him closely, however, and what she saw in his eyes made her sigh and relax slightly.

"And you've decided this is one of the times what we want is wrong," she said, regretfully.

He nodded. "I know it is." His voice was gentle and his thumb softly traced her jaw line. She was beautiful and young and trusting and wounded...His eyes closed for a moment. This wasn't what she needed. To continue would be wrong on so many levels it was hard to count them all...

She slipped her hands out from beneath his undershirts and placed them on top instead. Focussing on them as she smoothed the material, she tried to ignore the desire that still thrummed through her insistently. She wanted its release, and she wanted to share the pleasure of that release with him.

Leaning against him, she closed her eyes. He did not draw away. With his hand still resting on her shoulder and his thumb still caressing the side of her face, she enjoyed the gentleness of his touch and the little cascades of sexual thrill it sent through her. After several heart beats, she drew her head back and opened her eyes to meet his. "It would be so good," she told him softly.

He could not disagree with her, but he stepped back from the abyss anyway. Taking another deep breath and then letting it out in a rush, he placed his hands on her upper arms and held her away from him slightly.

"I'm sure it would be better than good," he said in a dry tone, "But this isn't what we really want-" He caught himself and admitted, "Or, at least it's definitely not what we need. And," he finished with a flash of warm humour, "I'm too old for this or for you, Kara. At my age, it would probably kill me."

His gruffly spoken comment broke the tension. Unable to resist his self-deprecating smile, she smiled in return. Her knees still trembling from the physical response he had elicited from her, she shook her head. "I don't think so - but I suppose explaining your death mght be a little tricky, even for me..." She looked at him and gifted him a sly grin. "What if I promised to be very, very gentle?"

_He was strong and solid, and gods, all she wanted to do was lie down with him and have him bring her to completion, even if it were just this one time.._.

When he merely looked at her, she reached up and took his face between her two hands. After looking at him a moment, she pulled back and sighed. The moment had passed when the barriers he placed around himself could be breached. The realisation washed over her like a cold shower.

"Damn," she said. "You've really made up your mind."

She waited a moment then asked, "Are you _certain_?"

When he stared at her wordlessly, she added dryly, "I mean, it'll be hard, spending the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like."

He raised an eyebrow. "You'll get over it," he grunted. "And yes, I'm certain. We'd regret this, and we don't need more regrets."

The last part caught at her heart. He had no idea of the regrets she already carried. Looking at him with emotion-filled eyes, she felt tears well up. No one had ever cared about her the way William Adama did. No one had ever been so unconditional with their trust and affection. And no one had ever looked out for her the way he did. Reaching up, she caressed his cheek with her fingertips. A strange melancholy settled around her. Resolutely, she shoved it aside. If this was what he wanted...

Forcing a grin, she dropped her hand and said, "You're a very special man, William Adama. And maybe a very crazy one."

He inclined his head. His eyes gleaming fondly, he answered, "And you, Kara Thrace, are a very special young woman - and definitely certifiable."

She laughed. Tilting her head to one side, she looked at him with shining eyes. How could anyone not love him?

"Which is why you like me," she grinned impishly.

He chuckled. "Which is _one_ of the reasons I like you," he amended.

On a roller coaster of emotions, her smile dropped and her features became solemn. When she spoke, her voice was low and sincere.

"What I feel for you... it's confusing. And this-" She touched his chest delicately, her fingers trailing a moment before she rested her palm against his heart. "This makes it even more confusing." Refusing to meet her eyes, she added quietly, "I think I do love you, though."

The raw, trusting honesty of her words tore at him. He cleared his throat. "I'll admit to the confused part, myself," he admitted. "This...this is unexpected. I-" He paused again, then finally continued, "We've shared a lot since Zak's death. If you feel love for me, then I'm honoured. I know that I love you, too-" He hesitated while he searched for the right words, then continued, "But what kind of love we choose it to be, and how we express it...that's important. Adding sex to our relationship would be a mistake, Kara. It may take a while to figure out what to label what we are to each other, but 'lovers' shouldn't be on the list of choices. You deserve better than that." A slight smile curved his lips. "Let's not make things more complicated than they already are."

When she looked as though she were going to disagree, he forestalled her by saying, "We have to live forever with what we do now, and I honestly don't think you'd want to live forever with what we were on the way to doing. Somehow, at some point, we'd realise it was the wrong thing to do, and it's not something we could take back."

Kara looked at him. She couldn't imagine regretting anything she shared with him, but she was always aware that Adama saw things she didn't and in ways she couldn't. She acted and then dealt with the consequences; he thought and then acted - a product, perhaps of his greater age and experience. He also lived by a strict set of personal rules. Making love with her would probably break at least a half a dozen of them.

Trusting his judgment, she admitted, "I don't understand, not completely."

"You will," he promised in a gruff voice. Kissing her on the forehead, he slowly released her and stepped away. Walking over to his desk, he picked up his glasses and put them on. "And now it's time you said goodbye and called it a night. I want you at your best tomorrow. There's only a few months left until the _Galactica's_ decommissioned. They're coming to talk about arrangements tomorrow. I want a few impressive fly bys for our visiting dignitaries. Afterwards, we'll have dinner and I can tell you how totally frakked up their plans are."

His timing and tone were perfect, and they both knew it. The moment had passed without discomfort and they were moving on. She sketched him a relaxed salute. "My pleasure, sir."

They stood and smiled at one another a long moment. They'd never speak of what had just happened tonight; no one would ever know how close they'd come to - and how much both of them had wanted - what Adama had put a stop to.

It was, after all, no one's business but their own.

And, through some miracle, it would not be because they felt ashamed or guilty. Examining how she felt as she prepared to leave, Kara realised that Adama had turned what could have been an embarrassing fiasco into something warm and special and to be treasured. Something important had been acknowledged tonight, and it would lead to an even closer, more trusting relationship. That she felt no regret over how far they'd gotten or embarrassment that he'd stopped before they'd gone further was something only he could have managed.

She smiled inwardly. Not that she wouldn't always wonder what it would have been like.. Drinking in his smile, however, she knew that she would take greater pleasure in what she _didn't _have to wonder about any longer.

Because he'd told her.

He'd said he loved her, and Adama didn't lie.

Her heart swelled. To be loved unconditionally was new to her, and wonderful gift she would need to examine and hold close to her heart. Everything that had happened - and not happened - tonight and the decisions they'd made...it had all transpired the way it had because in some crazy way she couldn't fathom, he was looking out for her.

Because he loved her.

Finally, she nodded. "Good night, Commander," she said. Turning, she made her way towards the exit.

When she reached the hatch, she stopped. Making an about face, she looked at him with eyes that glistened with emotion. Holding her chin up she said in a level tone:

"I've only said this to one other person in my life, and now I want to say it to you."

Her eyes steady, she held his gaze and said in a soft, sure voice, "I love you, and it makes me happy as hell."

She smiled at him brilliantly, then turned and left.

Adama stared at where she had stood for several moments.

A smile slowly broke out on his face. "And I love you, too," he finally murmured to the closed hatchway.

Shaking his head at the strange twists and turns life took, he moved to sit at his desk.

-xxx-

He sat in deep thought. He'd known for a long time that Kara Thrace was more to him than simply his dead son's fiancé. She had been more than that since the very day he'd sought her out before Zak's funeral. He smiled, remembering...He'd approached her from behind and when she'd turned at the sound of his saying her name he'd known the minute their eyes had met that she was someone who would mean something to him. On some strange level he didn't understand, he and Kara were connected, and always would be.

He wasn't sure how that made him feel.

He did, however, know that not allowing their relationship to take the turn it had almost taken had been the right decision. And it was more than the fact that she was too close to the beginning of life and he too near its end; more than his being, for now at least, her commanding officer. He held a deep-seated belief that there was someone out there waiting for her love. Someone right. Someone who could wipe away the shadows that sometimes clouded her eyes. Someone who would answer her needs and help her become the woman she was destined to be.

Someone to share her life the way it was meant to be shared...

-xxx-

In her quarters, Kara Thrace turned off her rack light. Turning over, she curled up on her side and drew her blanket over her shoulder. Softly, her thoughts drifted to what had transpired in Adama's quarters. She'd known from the moment she'd turned around and first laid eyes on him that William Adama would be more to her than simply her dead fiance's father. They were connected in a way she had never be able to explain, and, she was sure, always would be.

For a long time, she hadn't been certain how she felt about that.

Now, in spite of the terrible secret she couldn't bring herself to tell him, she realised the connection made her happy. She wasn't used to permanency, and the thought of having it with him had a sense of rightness about it that reassured her.

-xxx-

Remembering the feel of her in his arms, he thought one last thought before rising and turning off his lamp...

_The man Kara Thrace loved would be a fortunate man indeed._

-xxx-

Remembering what they had shared and considering what they had almost shared, Kara smiled. Closing her eyes tightly, she relived how it had felt to have his arms around her.

_Any woman loved by William Adama would a fortunate woman indeed._

And that was the truth.

End  
And Now, the Truth


End file.
